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Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic Section' started by Bravo, Oct 15, 2016.

  1. Richard230

    Richard230 Well-Known Member Contributor

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    One day Larry didn't show up. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Larry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Larry lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

    A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Larry. But one day, Bob approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Larry! Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Larry, what in the world happened to you? Larry replied, 'I have been in jail.' 'Jail!' cried Bob. What in the world for?' 'Well,' Larry said, 'you know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?' 'Yeah,' said Bob, 'I remember her. What about her? 'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'. 'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury’.
     
  2. Richard230

    Richard230 Well-Known Member Contributor

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    Road Trip: While on a road trip, an elderly couple, Jack and Debbie stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turnaround, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grumpy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, While you're in there, you might as well
    get my hat and the credit card.

    A hotel guest: A hotel guest calls the front desk and the clerk answers, "May I help you?" The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window." The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry, sir, but that's a personal issue." The man replies, "Listen, I can't get the window open... and that's a maintenance issue."
     
  3. Richard230

    Richard230 Well-Known Member Contributor

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    A blind bunny and a blind snake bump into each other on the path. "What kind of animal are you?" asks the snake. "I really don't know," says the bunny. "I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?" So, the snake felt the bunny. "Well, you're soft and cuddly," said the snake. "You have long silky ears and a little fluffy tail. You must be a bunny!" "Awesome!" says the bunny. "Now what kind of animal are you?" "I really don't know," says the snake. "I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?" So, the bunny feels the snake all over, and he replies, "You're hard and cold, and you haven't got any balls. You must be a lawyer!"

    A cowboy rides into town in the Wild West and shoots an artist. The sheriff asks him, "Why did you do that?" The cowboy says, "I thought he was going to draw."

    An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house. When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained. "Senor, these are the cojones," the waiter replied. "The what, you say?" exclaimed the tourist. "They are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today," explained the waiter. The tourist gulped but tasted the dish anyway, and found it delicious. Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. After he finished the meal, the tourist commented to the waiter: "Today's cojones are much saltier and smaller than the ones I had yesterday." "True, senor," agreed the waiter. "You see the bull, he does not always lose."
     
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